When you come home from the same job you’ve been doing for the past 30 years,

make sure you find at least 10 things to yell at your kids about,

but be sure that they don’t know it’s because you’re just tired;

go to your room and take off your coat, reach for the tobacco in the drawer that is hidden under your socks;

but don’t just stop there, do you see how stressed you are?;

grab a beer from the case that is under your bed and finish it;

continue with your daily routine and head to the basement for a shower;

immediately go back to your room and grab another beer;

lay down in the bed that once held the love of your life whom ended up leaving because of your “problem”;

they will always call it a problem in hopes of changing you, but no matter what, refuse and reject that idea to be true;

remind yourself that you’re not doing anything wrong,

that everyone is against you,

all you have is yourself;

be sure to avoid asking the questions, “how was school?” and “how are you”

and especially don’t say “I love you”, this shows weakness;

always be sure you have the appropriate servings of alcohol throughout the day,

2 with your coffee, 1 during your break, and the rest of the case when you get home;

drink till no one understands you;

drink till you think you can fly;

drink till the voices in your head are on your side;

drink till you are your father’s son;

don’t share your money like you’re working for the whole family,

the expectation to share money is insulting and something you don’t abide by unless you have to;

even though you have an abundance of money you must only pay for food when you have none left,

these foods must only be the cheapest,

don’t even bother looking at the nutrition label, it’s only your kids that you’re feeding;

you don’t need to buy toilet paper, you can get this from public restrooms for free,

so go ahead and wrap a roll around your hand and hide it under your jacket when you exit the store;

you must remind yourself that you can never have too much money for alcohol;

remind yourself that alcohol comes first;

you must be greater than your father, a greater alcoholic;

beat your kids whenever they disobey;

constantly remind your sons that they are not men, but tell them that they are queer,

nitpick at everything they do,

you need to be sure that they think even lesser of themselves than you do;

keep your daughter on your side,

separate her from her brothers or they might tell her their perception of you as a father,

don’t let them brainwash your innocent girl;

make your eldest son miss school to take care of your kids because you don’t feel like it;

do all this till your kids want to leave, make it hell when they try to,

their reliance on you is fun to toy with;

when your eldest son doesn’t have a social life, and your youngest develops in to a drug addict this means what you’re doing is working,

so congratulations;

your sons are gone and they are not coming back,

but you still have your daughter;

you will no longer isolate her, but make her run like how you did with your sons;

when you think you are done, ask yourself:

are you your father’s son?