There’s scars all over. A journey you can’t feel but hear

I’m as jolly as can be.

You can’t see my shell.

Walking home from the best days of learning my ABC’s

Getting my floaty pumped to celebrate.

I talked too soon.

I was never the one to be brave, stick up for myself.

In my pink Hello Kitty bathing suit

6 feet in water

My body let itself go. Underwater I am.

Who were once my friends. They took over me.

Help, I tried.

“you deserve this!”

I can’t breathe nor swim,

couple more seconds i’m driven away to a place where lives are taken in peace.

My last, first day in this living hell which are everyone’s favorite years.

Same year,

The woman who taught my birth giver everything.

Knife against my neck

Let go.

Parents yelling.

Why me? Why did I have to grow up to hate myself?

Covering my own ears. They’re now pools.

Let’s rest, not ready to say forever.

Arise,

It’s only 3 a.m what did I do to be tortured

Pack your bags. We should go.

Before the door shutting

“Angel, is that you”

Dad, i’m sorry.

Reminded everyday how useless I am

How the perfect daughter you wanted wasn’t so perfect.

I’m tired

Tired of myself emotionally

Tired of losing friends

Tired of falling asleep to the sounds of screaming

Tired of trying.

A simple “You don’t need to try so hard to be perfect. You are enough. Everything will be okay”

Convince myself that nobody will care if I take this handful of body beating.

Yet,

You are the reason

Don’t feel bad for me

But for yourself

Claiming that I wasn’t yours how can that be

When my birthday came around nothing was said

But you loved me right

You loved the way I smile but I wanted to be gone so you wouldn’t see it.

You replaced me

And I grew to hate me

You left unspoken

Stay left.

It’s depressing because I can’t feel anything anymore

It’s like a never-ending nightmare

A track a Dj in my head is running back to back

A pit in my stomach

My stomach gets hot and my heart gets cold

I cry for no reason

I question if i’m functioning properly

I’m living in a hell.

Where sleeping is my only escape.

Soothing water running all over my body

Resolving around my problems

I am one.

An empty pill bottle to the right of me.

It’s time,

All swallowed once

Not a breather left.

Escaped forever,

I was calling.